Monday, December 21, 2009

Too Good To Be True

If something seems too good to be true, it usually is. I thought this would be the perfect job for me, the perfect place, the perfect hours, the perfect chance to learn something new...of course, it wasn't to be for me.

I got all excited, which I try to never do, & ended up heartbroken, embarrassed & ashamed.

Heartbroken that I lost this chance to help my family get back on it's feet. Heartbroken that I lost the chance to get into a good company & learn something new, so I won't always be a secretary. Heartbroken that I've lost hope that I could be something bigger & have the chance to grow.

Embarrassed because now everyone knows how unworthy I am. Yes, I know I posted about it, but wouldn't you all start to wonder why I never talked about this great job I had mentioned getting. I'm not a liar & it's easier to get it out of the way.

Ashamed because I am unworthy somehow. I have never truly done a bad thing in my life, but there is something there that kept me from getting the clearance that I needed. It makes me feel like I will forever be just not good enough. Everyone will hear & either pity me or gloat.

For reasons like this, I am scared shitless of everything good in my life because it is so easily taken away.

I'm sorry I'm such a downer today. I'm going to blame it on PMS, just like I do every time I'm in a bad mood. All I need is some Midol & a couple of drinks & I should be right as rain.

Now I'm gonna go cry over something stupid like having to return my new, beloved Vado HD.

Peace & Love (& know that I appreciate you all for listening to me whine.)


  1. Sorry to hear, kimmie. I just read this and yesterday's blog... I didn't know. It's got to be a bummer,and those catch 22 situations really suck!! :( I hope something better will come along for you! I understand the whole being something more than a receptionist wish, I have the same wish myself! Maybe one day:)

  2. Hey Kim!! Thanks for the comment today and oh that bad mood every once in a while? I blame it on PMS too! Sending you a big hug! Have a good night and don't be so down on yourself, it happens! BTW - u are already more than not good enough :-) - HUGS!


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