It's My Turn

I have survived many things. I have survived losing a parent. I have survived the Avon Walk. I survived a job I hated for almost 10 years. I've survived having a beautiful devil child (so far~yes, I love her anyway). I've survived a move that left me bouncing around between the inlaws & my parents house for a few weeks. I've survived being told by my sister inlaw what she actually thinks of my husband & myself~in front of my daughter. I have survived being broke before. Why do I feel like I'm not going to make it this time?

I'm in the process of waiting for my business to take off. I've been working here & there. I need steadier work, I need more business. I need to stop feeling like a failure. I need to help my husband out more. I need to be able to make my mortgage payment & my electric bill! The credit card companies are gonna have to go screw themselves for a while.

So do I get a regular part time job? A full time job? I don't know how to work for someone else anymore...I don't even know what I'm good at anymore. What the hell do I do? I'm looking at the job listings online & I don't know what I'd be qualified for. I looked at the Problogger job board, but I don't know enough about anything or have enough experience to write for any of them. I'm not a writer, I've never been (other than being a wanna be poet). I want to work in a bookstore, not one of those big ones, either. I'm not fast. I'm not gifted. I'm not a people person.

I'm in such a mood that even my teeny bopper movies aren't working. No music today unless you wanna suggest something.

As the tears come down, I thank the heavens for spellcheck. This all makes sense to me. If it doesn't to you, I'm sorry, I'll try to do better next time. This is the mess in my head.
Peace & Love